Culch.ie

The Tribes of Planet Picnic

It’s that time of year again, when media attention zooms in on the goings-on in a few fields in the midlands county otherwise only notable for being home to Ireland’s oldest maximum security prison. Yes folks, we’re drawing up close to Electric Picnic weekend. 30-odd thousand people are about to descend on Stradbally Estate in Laois and even if you’re not one of them, you’re still gonna hear about it. Endlessly. Especially if you’re an Irish Times reader.

Because Electric Picnic isn’t just any music event. It is Ireland’s premiere boutique “arts and music festival”. Our Glastonbury. An event of important national cultural significance because…. well, because it’s not just for drunken young wans and therefore lots of media and journo types will be there, tweeting on their iPhones about Bryan Ferry’s still-luxuriant hair. And you can get a good soya milk cappuccino. And there’s a comedy tent and like, a stage, with like, political debates and shit going on.

For those who have never been before, Electric Picnic can seem like a strange place, an alien planet, if you will. Upon entry into the camping area you’ll find an atmosphere heady with excitement and anticipation, augmented by the sweet smell of pot and that whiff which can only be described as ‘eau de portaloo’. But as is often the case, it is the people who prove the most interesting. In amongst the ill-erected gazebos, chip vans, bales of hay, aggressive Glaswegian security staff and masses of drunken festival goers, you will come across certain tribes of festival goers. These tribes are notable for their particular and unique characteristics and in almost all cases should be avoided in favour of a long queue at the main stage toilets.

“Homo Parentis Hipsterus”

“Fashionistaeus Festivalus”

“Homo Scobius Confusus”

“Genus Psytranceas Maximus”

“Scriptor Musica Wannabeus”

Of all the tribes to be found at Electric Picnic the Wannabe Music Journalist (Latin name “Scriptor Musica Wannabeus”) is the only solitary creature. This is mostly due to the fact that he is chalking up “some serious posts” for his music blog and is therefore ‘working’. He spends much of his time in the Hot Press Chatroom trying to blag a backstage press pass. When this fails every day, he attends as many bands as humanly possible and keeps track of their set list in his trusty Moleskin.

For those of you going to the festival, be warned, these characters will be in front of you in the bar queue and blocking your view of the stage. Take a deep breath, restrain yourself and remember – it’s not their fault, it’s just the way they are. And anyways, you’re in Planet Picnic, get out there and have some fun! For those of you not going, enjoy the wall to wall media coverage. After all, listening to it live on 2FM is almost like being there.

Thank You: The illustrations in this post were specially drawn, at short notice by the very talented Spanish illustrator Aroa Vivancos. You can see more of her excellent work on her website www.aroavivancos.blogspot.com. Muchas Gracias Aroa!