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Published on February 14th, 2012 | by Jenny Foxe

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Culch Valentine’s: The real deal

Hi there gorgeous,
So, Valentine’s Day. Starry-eyed loser, star-crossed lover or cross-eyed malcontent, you’re bound to have an opinion on it, yes? Be it a memory, a barely-concealed urge to vomit, a poem for your other half that makes the rest of us vomit, a scribbled note on what a perfect valentine’s would be for you, a history lesson on the relics of St Valentine, an angry swipe at Hallmark, a cry for help because you don’t know your partner much better than you know your postman and you’re deathly scared of trying to shop for them or anything in between, we share those feelings and each day in the run up to the 14th one of Culch’s writers will bring you their own personal Valentine’s thoughts.
With love and last-minute garage chocolates,
Culch

I went out with one of those guys that didn’t do Valentine’s for many years. Every year, as the shops turned red and filled with hearts and teddies I’d wax bullshit to my friends about how he loved me every day and didn’t need to prove it with some fluffy tacky show of affection. Meanwhile I kept one eye on the window all day long waiting for the Interflora van to show up. It never came. Eventually, I copped on and left the country and him behind. He didn’t follow nor did that van ever arrive with flowers or any message begging me to come home.

Someone did keep in touch while I was away though, albeit sporadically. I’d get the odd two or three line email with an obscure eighties song reference subject line from my friend George. George who had accompanied me to the airport when I left. George who had begged me not to go. He occasionally called too with nothing much to say and a complete disregard for time differences or international telephone rates. When I came home after three years we hooked up and all was well for a while. Then the Irish winter got to me, the ex started making the odd confusing appearance and George got a very noisy dose of food poisoning and I heartlessly disappeared into my bedroom for a month and told everyone to leave me alone.

Then on 11th February 2004 this arrived in my inbox.
Subject: fizzy wizzy silly billy dilly dally silly sally willy nilly


How could I refuse? My first ever official Valentine’s date. We went for a meal and ate orgasmic chicken. We drank cheap champagne. He bought me a rose from a roving flower seller. The whole evening was the epitome of a cheesy Valentine’s date complete with the awkwardness and nervousness of a first. It made me laugh – for the first time in weeks. The clouds lifted and suddenly I was sure. So, using an overused cliche because of the day that’s in it: Readers, I married him.

Happy Valentine’s Day, my Love.

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About the Author

Always looking for something to do that will get me out of cooking dinner. http://www.overcomingmountains.wordpress.com



One Response to Culch Valentine’s: The real deal

  1. FoxeinSocks says:

    Aw shucks, I love you too X

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