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Published on December 14th, 2012 | by David Sheehan

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5 Christmas Covers We’d Like To See…

It’s that time of year again, the same old – mostly dire – collection of Christmas songs being played to death on the radio. What we really need is some reworking of these tired old tunes by some of those who made headlines in 2012…

1. CryCrystalHarris001stal Harris All I Want For Christmas Is Hugh (Original by Mariah Carey)
Or to give it its full title “All I Want For Christmas Is Hugh…Hefner’s Fortune”. It’s easy to make fun of the 86 year old’s planned marriage to someone 60 (SIXTY) years his junior….which is probably why so many media outlets have done just that. The old “So Debbie Magee, what first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?” chestnut certainly springs to mind. Each new fiancée must feel like a slot on a roulette wheel, hoping Hef pops his clogs just after they tie the knot. All that being said, I would certainly have no objection to Crystal frolicking about in the snow ala Mariah. In something befitting a Playboy Bunny, of course.

Gallaghers001

2. Liam and Noel GallagherLittle Drummer Boy (Bing Crosby & David Bowie)

Liam performed some Oasis songs – with Beady Eye mind you – at the closing ceremony of the 2012 Olympics, much to the amusement of his big bro (“Best Oasis tribute in Stratford” was the barb). But Christmas is a time for reconciliation isn’t it? So what better way for the two sparring siblings to patch up their differences than with a re-enactment of the 1977 stilted-chat-laden cheese-fest that was Bing & Bowie. It’s fair to say the pre-song conversation would be a little less seasonal than the two aforementioned greats managed in the cringe-inducing video, but it’d be a damn sight more entertaining. And who wouldn’t want to see Liam in a sky-blue Slazenger cardi…

LisaMurphy0013. Lisa MurphyHe’s Gone (The Pretenders)

Ok, so he’s not gone 2,000 miles, but poor Lisa must be feeling pretty bad after her split from ‘celebrity’ solicitor Gerald Kean. She recently told a weekend newspaper that she is ‘sad but doing ok’. They say there’s nothing more cathartic, we’re told, than getting all your feelings out through song, so maybe Lisa should attempt to hijack the Christmas number one slot with an impassioned plea for Ger to ‘be back by Christmas time’….

 

14/10/2012 Support for Quinn Family Protests4. Seán QuinnStop The Cavalry (Jona Lewie)

Jona who? This is the one with the chorus ‘Wish I Was At Home for Christmas’. You can figure out the rest.

 

 

TylerHamilton0015. Pat McQuaid & Tyler Hamilton (or any anti-doping spokesperson) – Fairytale of New York (Pogues/Kirsty McColl)

One final entry for the sports fans among us. McQuaid’s less than heroic stance against the war on doping in cycling has long been a cause for concern and bemusement. But his reputation as a walking PR disaster scaled new highs (or lows) when he branded Tyler Hamilton & Floyd Landis ‘scumbags’ in the wake of their revelations about systematic doping in the sport McQuaid oversees. He would surely be ideally suited to deliver the line ‘you scumbag, you maggot….’ in the undisputed king of Christmas songs.

Any other suggestions? Let us hear ‘em…

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Occasional sports hack, music buff, peddler of bad puns...



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