Sweary’s Jaw: A Lowe Blow

Well, holy rolling eyeballs, but didn’t we get very angsty about Zane Lowe’s response to Lauren Laverne’s response to Beyoncé’s… er, beyonse? Twitter lit up with the indignation of it, friends fell out over it, otherwise rational people called for Lowe’s head on a platter, delivered to Ms. Knowles’/Mrs. Z’s feet so she could shimmy some sweet rage all over his lolling jawbone… It was all very exciting, really, and just the job to get our Monday morning moving. If you’ve spent the last day and a half in a cave, you may be gratified to learn that this controversy stems from Lowe’s seeming less than orgasmic when asked what he thought about Beyoncé’s headlining Glastonbury performance. After co-host Laverne near buzzed right through the ceiling on delight and pop-epiphany, telling us that she felt that Beyoncé’s performance epitomised pop music and was an extraordinary reimagining of the ideal Glastonbury … There’s more

A ‘Knight’ Out with Danny McBride

  Being a blogger isn’t always sunshine and lollipops, unless you are one of the lucky ones covering the bi-annual  ‘Sonnenschein und Lolly-Knalle’ festival on the outskirts of Salzburg of course. Sometimes it’s a thankless, spell checking, dull awards-sitting, social nightmare of a thing. However, it also allows you the opportunity to be asked ‘Do you want to sit in a pub and chat to Danny McBride for a little bit?’, which is not something you say no to really.   Yes, the insanely manly-looking star of such movies as  ‘Pineapple Express’ and the T.V. show ‘Eastbound and Down’ was in town to promote new fantasy comedy epic ‘Your Highness’. Following a screening of the film (which a review can be found here), Danny came on stage for a quick Q&A hosted by the quick-witted, priest-voiced comedian Jarlath Regan. Here Danny would discuss such topics as the dangers of carrying … There’s more

Competition CLOSED: Jamie Oliver DVDs

***Competition Closed. Winners have been contacted*** It’s competition time again in Culch towers, this time courtesy of our buds over at Buzz mag in The Irish Sun. They’ve given us ten sets of Jamie Oliver DVDs to distribute to the Culch.ie masses. We know…pukka One of the hottest TV chefs out there is on a mission to make home cooking easy and healthy and now you can get cooking and using your kitchen to its full potential! All you have to do is answer the below question and we’ll pick ten lucky winners to get Jamie Oliver in their very own home!* So let us know; if you were cooking for Jamie, what would you make for him and why?  If you’re a Jamie-loving type, the Buzz guys are talking about him at the moment over here. *Digitally You’ve got ’til Friday…go wild.

Competition: Insidious @ Cineworld

***Competition Closed. Congrats to Sharon Healy.*** Are you a horror lover? FROM THE MAKERS OF PARANORMAL ACTIVITY AND SAW COMES THE NEXT CHAPTER IN HORROR  To celebrate the release of ‘Insidious’ which stars Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne and opens in cinemas on April 29th, we are giving away a set of tickets to a special preview screening of the film on April 14th at Cineworld, Dublin. James Wan and Leigh Whannell, the director and writer, and co-creators of SAW will be in attendance and are taking part in a Q&A following the film. Want to know what you’re letting yourself in for?

Sweary’s Jaw: Cocooned Buffoon.

Poor Rebecca Black. The thirteen-year-old credited – can I say credited? – with having belched into the world the Worst Song Of All Time has been pretty much eaten alive by The Mob. Sound the alarm. Alert the President. Stop the presses. A quick run through for those of you who’ve found yourself quite inexplicably on a pop culture website: Rebecca Black is … Rebecca Black is … Oh, just listen. Parents! Want to know how to chip to pieces the psyche of your fragile teen daughter? It’ll cost you. For a couple of grand, ARK Music Factory, a Californian vanity label, will dress up your dolly, vocoder the shit out of her, and send her out into the big wide internet with nary a note or a notion to keep her safe. Like giving Walter Mitty a F-22 Raptor and a map of China, for fuck’s sake.

Beaut.ie Name Ireland’s 50 Fine Things

We know they’re cooler than us, with their buke and their ultracool internet status symbol of being Best Blog 2010 at the IBAs last year, but we like to think of the lovely ladies over at Beaut.ie as our blogging sister ship (right, fine, we’re a dinghy, we know). We’re also big fans of their annual search for Ireland’s Fifty Fine Things, the results of  which was released on Paddy’s Day. Being the dedicated Irish revellers / IBA attenders / sofa dwellers that we are we’ve only got around to ogling the 50 gentlemen who made the cut today, but we’re mighty glad we made the time. Included on the list are Ray D’Arcy, Gordon D’Arcy (no relation), Domhnaill Gleeson, Ryan Tubridy (it’s not just me!) and Paul Galvin along with more obvious names like Liam Neeson, Colin Farrell and Cillian Murphy. If you want to take a look at … There’s more

Sweary’s Jaw: Ringside Tweet

Twitter was five years old the other day, and the whole virtual landscape flowered with congratulations and early-onset nostalgia. The first tweet was dug up and retweeted, retweeted, and retweeted again in worldwide echo, and we all wondered how we ever got by without our own tailored news feeds and gossip lines. I’m not entirely sure what the Twitter primary directive was – social media blah, open line of communication wah, but its snippet-sweet and frequently one-way nature has proven the perfect blah-wah ground for A-list celebrities. You gotta be on Twitter to be uber-anything, man. Twitter, to celebrities, is like having the only megaphone in a room full of people with laryngitis. It’s the absolute bollocks! With that in mind, I thought I’d check out how everyone’s favourite celebrities were doing on the ould Twitteroo. Are they using the platform in order to connect with their fans? Are they … There’s more

I Heart Tea Crowd – Episode 3 Neil Hannon

To quote the second best song writer of all time, “What, you thought we wouldn’t come again? Leave you hanging without bringing you the fun again?” Yes, instead of aliens, Will Smith could have been talking about Tea Crowd, a little bit delayed but back and better than ever. This time we caught up with the man who kicks Mr Smith into second place, Mr Divine Comedy, Neil Hannon. Who wouldn’t you know, is a blooming gentleman. Neil Hannon, Cathy Davey, Jape and Romeo from The Magic Numbers perform Vampire Weekend’s album for The JD Set at the Button Factory on April 1st. To find out more about it,  see www.thejdset.ie or facebook.com/jackdanielsjdsetireland   Enjoy and we’ll see you next time with a little blast from the past….  

Sweary’s Jaw: Lines of Charlie

His most recent meltdown may have left some of you in a heightened state of befuddlement, but those of us who like to keep abreast of celebrity carry-on were never in any doubt that Charlie Sheen is more mental than nerd-rage. The horrendously public split from Denise Richards, the charges of domestic violence, the loud n’ proud addictions to gambling and pornography, the airplane full of hookers: Charlie Sheen is nothing if not entertaining, so long as you’ve not been saddled with a conscience and have plenty viewing capacity from behind your sofa. A Hollywood brat allergic to taking anything seriously, it was never likely Mr. Carlos Estevez would bow out of the limelight gracefully, as Husband, or Father; even with a Delorean and a helpful professor at your disposal, I wouldn’t recommend popping to the 80s to bet on 2011′s Charlie Sheen moving in with two porn stars and … There’s more

Sweary’s Jaw: Unbeliebable.

I don’t remember where I was when Robbie Williams left Take That. Taking into account that I’m from Galway, I was probably stoned in a ditch somewhere. I do remember, though, that they had to open phone helplines in the UK, so distraught were TT fans. There was mass weeping and wringing of hands. There were snotty sleeves from Cornwall to Inverness. There was live footage on reputable news shows of howling teenage girls hanging onto one another for dear life, gurning through puffered-closed eyes at the cameras. It was bloody horrible. I didn’t understand it then, and even with the benefit of hindsight, I don’t understand it now. You’d swear Paul Ince was after leaving Man Utd or something. I’m reminded of such hormonal tsunamis as the Robbie Williams Meltdown whenever I see a Bieber-bot on Twitter. I shouldn’t really call them Bieber-bots, because they’re not really bots, and … There’s more

Sweary’s Jaw: Kim Kardashian’s Glass House

Do you lot know who Kim Kardashian is? There’s no shame in admitting you don’t; if anything, I’m rather mortified that I do. I blame it on an unfortunate addiction to bonkers/offensive celebrity gossip site, The Superficial, and having once shared a house with a Heat subscriber. Knowing who Kim Kardashian is may well be taking cranial space from much more important and rewarding snippets – how to hotwire a tractor, for example, or how to home-tattoo myself with a crochet hook and half a bottle of hair dye. I take no pleasure in knowing who Kim Kardashian is. In fact, after her latest patronising public-service announcement, I take even less than ever. Kim Kardashian is a famous American socialite. She has enhanced curves and an oddly proportioned arse. She keeps trim on a never-ending promotional circuit for all manner of snake oil cosmetic and diet solutions, and also from … There’s more

Sweary’s Jaw: The Democratisation Of Celebrity Arrives … Slowly.

Being internet types, I’m sure you’ve all been witness to Ted Williams’ magnificent  rise to fame. Just a few days ago, he was “discovered” homeless and begging for change in return for a blast of his golden radio voice, which turned out to be almost impossibly smooth, like Frank Sinatra re-imagined through whale song. Even I, a hardened viral junkie, was taken aback. I honestly did not expect such a big voice from such a shabby little man, nor did I expect him to tell his story so eloquently. Radio is theatre of the mind, explained Ted, who’s been working on his marvellous gift since he was fourteen years old. Now Ted’s inundated with job offers and is likely to become very rich indeed, very, very quickly. Catapulted into the spotlight without a PR guru or an agent in sight; that’s how quickly The Mob can turn your life around, … There’s more

I’m a locksmith and I’m a locksmith

You cannot deny that when you heard the news of Leslie Nielsen’s death, you turned to whoever was beside you and said: ‘Surely you can’t be serious.’ Of course your partner in crime turned back to you and said, ‘I am, and don’t call me Shirley.’ I reckon the mark of true hilarity and genius is endless quotability… and that must surely be one of the most quoted lines ever. I’m not sure if you knew he grew up in a fairly remote part of town, his dad was a Mountie and his ma was Welsh. Anyway, the only other comic parts I can think of that are quoted as much are Napolean Dynamite and Anchorman. So why was Leslie Nielsen so funny? Was it his background as a “serious actor?” He was in the Poseidon Adventure dontchaknow and even did a screen test for Ben Hur…

Sweary’s Jaw

Surreptitiously willing those Glee girls to put their damn pants back on, so you don’t have to. So here’s the deal-ee-oh. I know I’ve been rather quiet recently re: the scandalous faffery of the more recognisable of our world citizens, but it’s only because I’ve really stopped giving a knob. I have other things to be doing, like tweeting about how shit everything is, or growing my fingernails. I’m only writing this because I worry that someone out there might actually care if I don’t. How could I tell if Lindsay Lohan wasn’t kept teetering on the brink instead of plummeting over it by googling Oirish websites for mentions of herself? HOW WOULD I KNOW? (Hello Lindsay, by the way! I’m sure that the nasty rumour about recently-single Christina Aguilera hooking up with Sam Ronson is complete hokey. In the words of the great Cher – from Clueless, that is, … There’s more

Nostalgia Week: Boys of the Nineties

As a fully qualified kid of the Nineties, I have to say I’m loving the revival that’s going on at the minute. 80s nights are gradually being supplanted by 90s nights flush with high top runners, brightly patterened shirts and Boom Shake Shake Shake The Room. So naturally I’m delighted that Culch.ie have decided to go all retro on our asses with Nostalgia Week. Now to the topic at hand. I’ve decided to focus on some of the boys of the 90s. At least, the boys that I found myself blu tacking to my bedroom walls as I entered the adolescent minefield of crushes. Saved By The Bell was a show that gave us comedy, questionable fashion, “serious issues” episodes where they’d crowbar in a moral message about smoking, alcohol or drugs, but most importantly to my eleven year old self, it gave us Zack Morris and AC Slater. Dreamboat … There’s more