Sweary’s Jaw

Surreptitiously knowing who Tila Tequila is, so you don’t have to. There’s something about the middle of February that makes one think of lurve, is there not? Cupid’s arrows, gay Paris, two-person snuggies, last rolos, finding your tongue halfway down an Arts student’s throat in a traffic light disco… Valentine’s Day, you say? That would be it, alright. Well, you’re not alone. There is a yawning chasm between us Normals and our fame-swollen heroes at the best of times, but you can hardly call drunk-texting and crying in a karaoke booth to Mariah Carey’s “Without You” the best of times, now can you? You are never closer in your orbit of the stars than you are on Valentine’s Day, because, as I’m about to show you, even celebrities can’t resist making twats of themselves for l’amour. And if you define l’amour as “that funny feeling you get in yer kecks … There’s more