Published on March 1st, 2012 | by Jen McShane0
Culch Lent: We Can’t Give Up… Chocolate
Ah Lent. It is tradition to give up at least one thing for those 40 days and 40 nights and while I’m not the religious type, I like to say I tried. It’s been tough just trying to contemplate what to give up and while I was unsure what sacrifice I would make, I knew one thing that I wouldn’t be doing even if say, snowballs roasted in hell: giving up Chocolate.
That yummy, tasty Chocolate has a hold over me that even I’m going to find difficult to describe to you. It should, in theory, be easy enough to give up something we love for a good cause. This giving-up theory obviously doesn’t understand me and Chocolate. It’s not that I don’t want to try and give it up, it’s that I can’t. Quite simply, I adore it and need it in order to function in daily life. Sure other people might love it, but I Love it, if you get what I mean. I could eat it solely for Brekkie, Lunch and Dinner and not get sick of it. And I’m not one of those picky chocolate eaters, who say, just like Cadburys (the majority of my friends). I’ll eat any sort, any brand, whether it be plain or have some kind of tasty chocolate type filling. Yum. Plain, white, dark, you name it, I’ll eat it.
Think of the film Chocolat, when the villagers are helplessly drawn back to this incredible chocolate shop with all its delights even though, in the film, its regarded as a sinful activity and you’ll get the idea.
Before anyone goes and judges me, saying that I’m clearly an uncontrollable, chocolate eating pig, you should know that I did try and give it up before. Once. It was a dark, dark day.
I had decided to try and go cold-turkey some years ago, convinced that this would improve my sense of will and I’d be doing something good for Lent. I would feel smug and haughty as I thought of my future victory and those poor souls who just wouldn’t be able to keep it up the way I would. This positive thinking didn’t help one bit when it came to the crunch. I knew it would be hard so I decided to just take it day by day. And quickly it became a case of hour by hour.
It was early morning and instead of wanting my usual lie-in, I just woke up thinking of one thing. It didn’t help that I lay there for a good hour before I eventually got up thinking about all the chocolate things I loved; Chocolate bars, chocolate cake, chocolate malts, Butlers Cookie hot chocolate… I felt an impending sense of doom as I realised it was only 11am and I had hours, days more of this hell to endure. I tell myself to stop being such a wimp and go down and watch tv. I immediately come face to face with an array chocolate ads, and what’s worse, slow motion chocolate ads. You know the ones I mean: Cadbury’s, Lint, Galaxy… WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME GOD?! I get shaky, become snappy and irritable and after 3 hours, know I’ve failed miserably. But I feel too sick from the lack of chocolate and sugar in my bloodstream to care. That first bite of chocolate after the withdrawal is like all my Birthdays come at once, it feels like I’ve gone weeks without it.
So, in short I failed. Dismally. But I consoled myself with the fact that my intentions had been good. I tried but I definitely wouldn’t be trying that again. Ever. I wondered what Himself might have thought of my poor efforts and figured he was at least happy with my consolation effort of giving up fizzy sweets instead. I mean, I would give up chocolate, but I’m no quitter.